Friday, 26 November 2010

"adoptable +Candy+" by xXVanillaVodkaXx

Adoptable characters seem to be big business nowadays. Internet artists doodle up a bunch of multicoloured wolves or Sonics or Renamons, and people who want to be friends with the artist pay them real money for the right to say that one of the little rainbow Sonics/Renamons/wolves is their own. It's a crazy phenomenon, and providing an example of it today is artist xXVanillaVodkaXx.

That's right, for money dollars you could own your very own scantily-clad, bow-legged Sonic-slut. Complete with partially-visible-bikini-bottoms and three-foot-long eyelashes!

I'm not sure what's keeping those daisy dukes attached to her waist - it feels like this is a photo of the moment before they tumbled down to her ankles. Not to her feet, though. Those are hard to draw.

"wolf comic page 7" by GWolfG

Wolf wolf wolf wolf wolves wolf wolf GWolfG wolf wolf wolves wolves wolf wolf wolf. Wolves wolf wolf wolves wolf? Wolves!!

It's times like this I wish we had some more specific entry tags, like "characters floating in a featureless void" and "putting small pictures of a character in their speech bubbles to try to make your clusterfuck comic make more sense". This piece unfortunately suffers both of these - as well as a bad case of "talking disembodied wolf heads" syndrome.

Take two of these little caribou-carcass-shaped pills every day and it should clear up.

"ANTHRO KimmyKat Matryoshka" by xxMidnightTigerxx

Our latest piece is by artist xxMidnightTigerxx, and apparently features a character named Kimmy.


Holy shit. Well. I mean, let's be honest - that's the face of a rapist right there. Two of them, in fact, if you notice the creepy look the hood of her jacket is giving to you.

It's difficult to get along to subjects like the oversized head or invisible hands or muscular neck because every time I catch the gaze of those eyes I freeze like a deer on a highway. Jesus, I need to go and lie down.

"Rose ate Star" by shadevore

It's been a while - there have been tears, laughs and lessons learned - and now it's time to make fun of more horrible internet art. God bless us, every one. Today's sacrifice to the altar is piece "Rose ate Star" by artist shadevore.

I wonder which parts of this image shadevore made! The background blends so well with the characters I'm inclined to believe this was all the work of one person, toiled over for hours under the light of the moon.

The expression that sun is making is similar to the one I made when I read the dialogue in this piece. "Why has green Renamon trapped that blue goth Knuckles in a purple sphere? She says it is her belly, but I do not believe her."

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

"Fart while u laugh at me ladie" by derekje84

There are some very specific fetishes out there in the world of the internet. Some very odd and specific fetishes. Today's example is artist derekje84.

The artist's comment reads "Please save and share this ladies. Enjoy laughing at me. Burden me with ur asses while u laugh at me. Please follow me on twitter"

Burden me with your asses? That's a really obtuse way of saying "I want girls to fart while they laugh at my naked body" Is this even a genuine fetish because I am suspicious that this guy just might be crazy.

"Cookies nomnomnom" by NishiChan

It's about time we made fun of a western kid badly imitating anime and manga drawing style, isn't it? Our sporting contestant today is artist NishiChan.

Time for a bullet-point list, I feel.
  • Cat ears
  • Obsessing over cookies
  • Nom nom nom sound effect
  • T-shirt claiming to be a 'cookie maniac'
  • Wearing a spiked collar despite not being a doberman
Goodness, we have a winner here. A winner with a very round, balloon-like head. And hilariously un-detailed feet. Shoes are hard to draw man! You don't get it!

"Mee" by sephyma-jones

We're back! Did you miss us? Kiss kiss!

The artist's comment for this piece says it's a photo intended to be used as their online ID, and finishes with a little embarrassed anime face. Oh, you cutie! I'm totally not cowering away from your giant dry cracked lips and horrible untidy room! (I am)